Hey Jealousy

okay, so. ive hit writer's block on my own blogging website writing about my emotions. terrific.
ill give you a run down of the entire story.
my best friend used to like this guy, and she would talk about what they did in class or anything to do with him, but then she met someone and got a boyfriend and then i started to see how nice a guy he was, and she told me, "yeah, you can have him", so.. not selfishly, but curiously, and somewhere inbetween getting to know him, i fell for him. so hard, its still hurting everytime i talk to him, hug him and do anything with him (not in any sexual way).

the worst thing is this. until recently, i thought she was over hiim, into another guy after she broke up with her boyfriend. no. thats no how it went down at all. she wanted "fair game". fair game you ask? its when i practically have to "hand him back over" to her and forget i felt anything for him.
SHE DOES THIS WITH ANY GUY. i don't understand. this all may sound childish and stupid, but what the hell.  shes making me feel like crap, because she expects me to just "swith off" all my feelings for him, and the agonising thing is that i cant even tell her how i feel otherwise shell just take it the wrong way, make me look like the antagonistic bitch who's just jealous.
jealous? it makes me want to cry everytime she mentions his name now, or that she practically makes it competition.

im always the third wheel. im always the single one in our friendship. weve known each other for 4 years now, her and i, and she cant even see that she hurts me everytime she goes for a guy, because she either ends up hurting herself and i have to help her, or she makes me feel like its my turn to "get someone" purely because i look like a dweebus without a boyfriend.
                  thanks so much best friend, you really did it this time.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

Well, lemme seeeee. haha
i love the rain. its soo peaceful, and serene and i particularly love the smell when the cool breeze brushes it past my face. ive always adored the rain. its cool and refreshing and it just, makes the day feel much more relaxed.

today, it rained pretty much all day. it was goood. sitting in class.. doing bit of work at a time :P just looking out the window. im always wondering something. today i was wondering what the rest of the week would be like. oh how i wonder alright.

 i like this picture. not only is it nice, but it also kind of reminds me of alice in wonderland, but at the same time reminds me of a feeling. i dont know how to describe it, but its kind of.. like when i used to play with my sisters outside when we were little. we used to do all the tea parties and such, but.. it just makes me feel like i wish i could go back and have one last tea party. id like that, id like it alot.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. wow. okay; so guess what this one's about?
well.. you guessed wrong. :)

i walked into a cafe thisafternoon on the way home from the bank with my mum, still in my school uniform. as i walked in, all these memories flushed back into my mind. id been there before, i just didnt know when. it hit me. i recognised anything and everything i looked at. the plain counter, the cliche cafe walls of a multicultural community attempting to blend in by decorating in drab random "artworks" and barely any customers. i dont know why, their milkshakes were the bomb.

i remember being in there, god.. about 5 years at the most, and i remember sitting at the end table and just looking around. they havent really extended their designs. that kitten with the bent paw looking at you was still up on the topmost shelf where nobody but dust could reach. and also, an odd site to see was the five- dollar bill sticky- taped to the wall. in my vision all i could see  was half,, so perhaps it was like their "lucky bill".

the best thing i remember about this little cafe was this:

 okay, so its not exactly the biggest of pictues but its a picture of people at a cafe. jimmy dean sitting at the end, humphrey bogart sitting on the side with marilyn monroe and elvis servin' up the shakes, nah just kiddingg.. i actually dont know what hes doing :S

all i know is that i remember all those years ago, sitting in the cafe at the end table, gawking at it... admiring it. i dont know what it was. it just caught my eye. the funny thiing was that when i walked in their today, i searched for it as soon as i realised where i was. i thought to myself, "where's that dream?"
as soon as i found it, i just sat on the end of the table; practically concreted into the dirty tiled ground of the cafe. apparently my mother had been talking to me. apparently. i just sat there, reminiscing in my mind.. thinking of that last time i was there. it was sketchy, but it was there. it was a good feeling.

i wonder if anybody gets those good feelings when they remember something about a place they havent been to in a while. i dont know about your fancy little self reading this, but i know i do. aaall the time. it makes me feel like i am actually somebody. it reminds me that i do have places to go and do things.
thankyou helnwein :) you lit up a piece of my past :)

Bad Day

ohkay. pretty straightforward. i didnt like today. it was hot. and stinking and sweating and he wasnt there in class to make me feel any more interested in the work. actually, practically nobody was. how crap.
it was one of those days where all those people literally swarmed to our school for that day.. and it just so happens it continues to tomorrow. yay. ><

 i love ron. i love everything about him. he brightens up any harry potter experience. "just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon" ! ha! <3

ohkay, so.. pretty much that was my facial expression all day without any of my friends in any of my classes. i sat there moping. the music wasnt loud enough; the silence was deafening and everything around me was suffocating my personal space. what was i to do?!
i know what i  did do. i slept. as much i could; but the stupid heat kept me from sleeping long enough; waking up hot and bothered; sweating; dying for water.

ron weasley <3 you brighten up my dark days aye :3

Seasons

Hotdiggity dayum this weather is odd. Sydney: city of the strangest weather condtitions a mere 16 year old has seem in her life.
one minute its beautiful- 21 degrees, sun shining, birds chirping... 24 degrees, just a little too warm for me, sun starting to blare and those birds are getting tired... 27 degrees, ohkayy.. im outta that sun for the rest of the day. i swear. this weather is getting worse. the even BETTER part is that its only spring; weve yet to touch the crisping, sweating and glazing layers of summer; joy.

i absolutely deteste summer; or heat in general. if anything, i have to have:
- 3 bottles of sunscreen
- a pretty big umbrella
- hat (suitable enough for my head)
- a shirt that covers up my back and
- loooots of cool refreshments to keep me in a good mood.

any other day, suree. im out in the sun like a kid in a room full of toys. thats only if its under 23 degrees.

its funny how, i grow up on a beach every school break, beaching it out all through childhood then i stop going to my haven and bam, i hate it all.
serious separation issues? i think so :/
for now, i prefer freezing weather, cold days where i can rug up, hug everybody and keep warm :)
particularly hugging those people that, you know.. warm not only your heart up, but your whole day. those days are the absolute best of my life.

snow. snowboarding. snowball fights. scarves, hot chocolate. big parker jackets. bring it all back to me! i miss you! i am not willing to jump into short shorts and singlet topes just yet! im too white!
thats another thing! i burn. i dont tan, i dont even brown a bit... i instantly go bright red, like a lobster :S

now thats my type of winter... if there were such a thing where i live :(

I Wanna Love You

crushes. why the hell do they play with our minds? or worse, hearts?
its the most confusing feeling in the world when a boy you like is being the flirtatious, nice, kind boy you wanna hold and hug forever, but he seems to show no signs of liking you back.

i dont care that you dont wann hurt me! i like you! it should work out from there! mygosh. just because i havent been one of your clique chicks or mates or anything.. doesn't mean i havent been there all along.

why do i have to be so invisible. i feel like youre leading me on, but i cant help it. you seem to have a hold over me. everytime i try to move on from you to other people, you either say something or do something and BAM! im suddenly hooked again >.<
what the hell is wrong with me? it hurts so much to think that nothing more comes of our friendship, but youre like a drug.. calming and relaxing me whenever youre around.

i just wish i knew what to do. i wanna love you; i really do..

Remember You

Funerals. I hate them. i always cry. i know its cliche to say, but why do people have to die?
so far, this year, ive been 2 funerals in the space of 3 months. yippee :/

yesterday was the second funeral. it was hard for me. i wanted to cry so much because i was scared. scared ill forget the memories. scared ill forget what ive learnt where i did. scared ill forget about uncle brian. the man who gave me a house in the best place in the world for me to learn everything one needs for childhood.
why did you have to die? why now? i wish you could have lived on further.

he gave us an opportunity. the happiest holidaying childhood one would ever need. now im lucky enough to even go back there for a weekend. i never want to lose this place, nor the memories he gave us from staying there.

please stay with us forever and ever uncle brian; i dont know what i wouldve done all my years without you :(
childhood wouldve sucked without you. without cunjurong or quebec street; unce sprocko, the lake. <3

i love you all with all my heart.

"Do not cry for I am gone; Smile, for I have been".

unnamed

okay, so this is my first ever blog on my first ever blogging website. so let me start out by saying i dont really care for punctuation, and my name is amy :).

to be honest, i just thought trying this would be something different. im one of those people who.. if there is a group of people out there like me... dont really like to open up to anyone- not even my best friend. so.. god only knows why i should do it over the internet. hello to anyone who is actually taking their time reading this.

well, this is kind of like my very own pilot episode.. but in blogging style; soo.. my pilot blogisode? :)
i like music. i like googling every song meaning on my ipod cause it makes me feel like im more connected to the music im listening to.

so; lets see how long it takes for any of you blogheads out there to figure out what ive done.

my name is amy; welcome to my life, and i hope you enjoy The Mixed Tape.