Time After Time.. My year in a blog.. Although, not a very good one at that >.>

A year? Almost an entire year since i've last posted on this? wow!!
I don't believe it. my life got in the way. not just my boring life.. my school life.
MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER!!!
man have things changed;
1. i'm once again single
2. my friendship with once person in particular has hit ground zero and is on the rocks
3. meanwhile, another one has boosted in brownie points that not even i would have thought possible
4. i had the best partying experience of my life
5. i no longer go to school :)
6. i totally can't think of anything else to write right now :s oh! my writing style on this may change.. only cause im purely too blegh to pick it up heh..

my bitches ;)
haha! im totally kidding.. these are but a but a few snippets of my schooling life and last days thereof..
the first being a snap of my group.. james > alex > jan (yarn) > aimee and kayla.. missing belinda!! "where the hell was she" i  think to myself..
and then DA BOYZ! or the Wog Squad.. Georgey :) and Aaron and Nick <3 I'ma miss them guys a lot. math will never be the same again. 

and grad: jan > belinda > me > alex > kayla > steven and g. browny brown (year co-ordinator)

and so, my life story in about 300 words or less of the events that beheld my existence for this year:
1. me and my man broke up. pressure. stress. relationships. urges. THAT. i dont feel comfortable talking about it... 

2. remember how i got jealous of my best friend for being obsessed and talking and falling for the other guy i was to die for? well... theyre together.. still. still arguing, still fucking, still laughing, crying and breathing ><
i can't stand either one of them anymore. one two many nerves have been struck by their behaviour. blegh!
3. steven ^ guy in white above. family friend. best friend. new best friend. cloosee ayeee ;) friend :)
seriously, i don't know what to do there.. it's like a lingering and unanswered question that constantly nags in my brain about should we or shouldnt we take another step? but of course, pessimism takes a hold and i push it back :( sometimes i just want to hit myself for all the opportunities i could have taken ! argh!!

4. Graduation. Formal. Afterparty. Party party party!!!! I had the best night of my life. kissing a guy i never thought i would have.. not steven though.. we discussed this several times >< drinking, hugging, sitting, tallking, sipping, stealing, getting drunk. late nights <3 my kind of celebratory experience! wooo!

5. as you could probably already tell, i no longer go to school. im currently studying for my HSC exams. right now? as i type this all over my math notes... i procrastinate returning to the one subject i absolutely loathe with a passion. the hate for math runs in my family anyway, so its understandable that should i fail.. it's okay... cause so did my dad and his mum.. heh.. kinda makes me feel better, but only just a tad :S

6. the last point. to blabber on about anything. hows this for a very cut short year experience in 6 points or less/ 300 words?! i think its quacking awesome :)

gah! i bid thee all farewell. i tire of studying, but i must continue for the security of a good ATAR (HSC mark). good reading, good writing, good day, farewell :)

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to ride.... yaddda yadda yadda haha
well, this is a christmas i dont really want to forget, but i swear on my life.. it still feels like november or some other month.. definately NOT christmas!

my lord how fast this year has gone :S
ups and downs, good grades, shitassed grades.. faaaaa.
 and now im facing the end of the year, with new years right around the bend. what the hell.

i wanna be the first..well.. i want this to be my first time actually announcing that i have a new year's resolution:
to fulfil my new year's resolution; which is... make 2011 one kick ass year :)

its my final year of high school. its my final year of seeing probably everybody ive worked around for the last 5 years or so. its hopefully going to be a happy year for me :) here's to hoping aye.

seasons greetings, cheers big ears, merry christmas and happy new years from me :3

see you next year xoxo

Thankyou

Well, it's been a while.
Okay, sooo. there's a guy. and i liked Him, but after so long of liking Him, i realised, theres no point to being that poor damsel waiting for Hm to turn around and like me back.. so we just became friends.
and my best friend, who actually... i only found out the other night... had made out with Hm and kept it from me was actually really into him to. weird right? yeahh. the other weird thing is that... im not affected by it at all. not by the fact that my best friend lied to me, made out with my crush behind my back, had Him lie to me too. any of it.

is there something wrong with me? im not sure. maybe. ive moved on from Him.
Him being the pierced, rebellious, attractive, crazy kid in class to another One.
a better one for me :)
the better One being smart, handsome, tall, nice, kind, caring, everything i think ive been waiting for.

now alls i have to do i best my shot; i think i may have this.
me and my best friend are totally cool with everything :S surprisingly. i dont really know how to describe it. its like i was so sure of going for the other One that i didnt care for Him anymore.
The picture above is what i really hope to come from this: my One and me, and my best friend with Him.

im just glad were both happy :)

To All Aspiring

Well this has been an exciting weekend for me in a while.
Hardcore music. gig. guys. scenes. smoking. piercing. small  spaces. crowds. loud music. food.  drink. everything good in life aye.

Sienna Skies <3 yum.
words cannot describe how good it felt to go to my first hardcore music gig with my best friend, yes, everything appears fine.. hopefully, and my pseudo- brother bob :P

awesome night much? YES.
okay, so my phone photography skills arent too great, but theyre not that bad either haha
im that far away from the band, where the guy in the white is the lead singer :)
i talked to his band mates and actually touched one of their arms. yeah, wow.. to some of you thats not a big deal, but for my first time at one of these it was the best time for me.
close up experience of a band thats kicking success in the balls and making their way to the top :)
oh how i love my life right now.

and that was just my friday :)
SS:03122010

Hey Jealousy

okay, so. ive hit writer's block on my own blogging website writing about my emotions. terrific.
ill give you a run down of the entire story.
my best friend used to like this guy, and she would talk about what they did in class or anything to do with him, but then she met someone and got a boyfriend and then i started to see how nice a guy he was, and she told me, "yeah, you can have him", so.. not selfishly, but curiously, and somewhere inbetween getting to know him, i fell for him. so hard, its still hurting everytime i talk to him, hug him and do anything with him (not in any sexual way).

the worst thing is this. until recently, i thought she was over hiim, into another guy after she broke up with her boyfriend. no. thats no how it went down at all. she wanted "fair game". fair game you ask? its when i practically have to "hand him back over" to her and forget i felt anything for him.
SHE DOES THIS WITH ANY GUY. i don't understand. this all may sound childish and stupid, but what the hell.  shes making me feel like crap, because she expects me to just "swith off" all my feelings for him, and the agonising thing is that i cant even tell her how i feel otherwise shell just take it the wrong way, make me look like the antagonistic bitch who's just jealous.
jealous? it makes me want to cry everytime she mentions his name now, or that she practically makes it competition.

im always the third wheel. im always the single one in our friendship. weve known each other for 4 years now, her and i, and she cant even see that she hurts me everytime she goes for a guy, because she either ends up hurting herself and i have to help her, or she makes me feel like its my turn to "get someone" purely because i look like a dweebus without a boyfriend.
                  thanks so much best friend, you really did it this time.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

Well, lemme seeeee. haha
i love the rain. its soo peaceful, and serene and i particularly love the smell when the cool breeze brushes it past my face. ive always adored the rain. its cool and refreshing and it just, makes the day feel much more relaxed.

today, it rained pretty much all day. it was goood. sitting in class.. doing bit of work at a time :P just looking out the window. im always wondering something. today i was wondering what the rest of the week would be like. oh how i wonder alright.

 i like this picture. not only is it nice, but it also kind of reminds me of alice in wonderland, but at the same time reminds me of a feeling. i dont know how to describe it, but its kind of.. like when i used to play with my sisters outside when we were little. we used to do all the tea parties and such, but.. it just makes me feel like i wish i could go back and have one last tea party. id like that, id like it alot.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. wow. okay; so guess what this one's about?
well.. you guessed wrong. :)

i walked into a cafe thisafternoon on the way home from the bank with my mum, still in my school uniform. as i walked in, all these memories flushed back into my mind. id been there before, i just didnt know when. it hit me. i recognised anything and everything i looked at. the plain counter, the cliche cafe walls of a multicultural community attempting to blend in by decorating in drab random "artworks" and barely any customers. i dont know why, their milkshakes were the bomb.

i remember being in there, god.. about 5 years at the most, and i remember sitting at the end table and just looking around. they havent really extended their designs. that kitten with the bent paw looking at you was still up on the topmost shelf where nobody but dust could reach. and also, an odd site to see was the five- dollar bill sticky- taped to the wall. in my vision all i could see  was half,, so perhaps it was like their "lucky bill".

the best thing i remember about this little cafe was this:

 okay, so its not exactly the biggest of pictues but its a picture of people at a cafe. jimmy dean sitting at the end, humphrey bogart sitting on the side with marilyn monroe and elvis servin' up the shakes, nah just kiddingg.. i actually dont know what hes doing :S

all i know is that i remember all those years ago, sitting in the cafe at the end table, gawking at it... admiring it. i dont know what it was. it just caught my eye. the funny thiing was that when i walked in their today, i searched for it as soon as i realised where i was. i thought to myself, "where's that dream?"
as soon as i found it, i just sat on the end of the table; practically concreted into the dirty tiled ground of the cafe. apparently my mother had been talking to me. apparently. i just sat there, reminiscing in my mind.. thinking of that last time i was there. it was sketchy, but it was there. it was a good feeling.

i wonder if anybody gets those good feelings when they remember something about a place they havent been to in a while. i dont know about your fancy little self reading this, but i know i do. aaall the time. it makes me feel like i am actually somebody. it reminds me that i do have places to go and do things.
thankyou helnwein :) you lit up a piece of my past :)